Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Are you restless like me?

Warning: drugs. 
If you'd like to keep yourself sheltered and contained, do yourself and me a favor and stop reading.

It's almost been two years since I left with Dennis for Southern BC. Back then, I believed that I would spend the rest of my life travelling, learning from the people we met along the way. I made it my goal to take a lesson from each person who gave us a ride, or each hitchhiker we would run into. I fell in love with the compromising positions I found myself in, and the fight for survival. Even if that meant dumpster diving, or busking without a guitar. Hiking down the train tracks, and sleeping on white sand beaches of Nelson. The privileged  had spent millions building mansions overlooking the lake and Selkirk mountains where we were staying for free.

My first acid trip was on those beaches. We had left our backpacks out on the beach, and decided to set out for this big, flat, rock which overlooked the lake. We took our acid as nightfall was approaching, and it was just starting to kick in, when we saw flashlights from the beach. We had heard about the police raids, and how they would burn down tents, and backpacks if they were found unattended, so now we needed to get back to the beach. When we got up and walked towards the woods, we looked at one another in awe, because there was no forest anymore. It was just... blackness. I think we were both pretty unsure about whether we could actually pass through this portal, so we stood there for at least five minutes, kind of assessing the situation, waiting for some kind of clarity. Then Squid grabbed my hand and pulled me through. I felt like we were travelling at light speed, and there was nothing but darkness and shadows, which were shifting around me. Not really menacing at all, but beautiful. I wasn't even aware of my feet as we ran, not tripping over any stumps or roots, just kind of guided by Squid. Then there was light. We raced down the train tracks and I felt like I was seeing all this in third person perspective, and I couldn't stop giggling at the entire situation.When we arrived at the beach, there were no police, but instead, a bunch of Quebecers! Ah, I love the french! We said hello, told them the situation (drooogs), and they set up camp about 100 feet away. The rest of the night was unbelievable. We ended up staring at the sky, where there were patterns fleeting across the sky, moving in every which way. I'm pretty sure I had tapped into the mycelium network. Here's a diary excerpt from the day after.

'I did acid with Dennis last night, and we watched the world turn, churn and destroy itself like a mass. I don't know if I'm human anymore, and not alot makes sence right now. Whatta great first acid trip. Like, We're in Nelson now, waiting for Shambhala, and sleeping down on a white sand beach by these railroad tracks. I'll have to upload pictures. Wowie, acidacidacidchild. I feel so renewed, last night helped me understand why I'm really on this journey, what really brought me here and made me realize what I'm going to do with the time I have. Fuck, I've been so concentrated on Dennis, and other people, and worrying about what everyone else is doing that I'm depleting myself, holding myselkf back. I kinda realize I just need to do everything in this for myself, and let us both grow, seperetely, Man, I feel so good. Just like, looking at the cosmos and taking it all apart, drawing it all in, waiting for the world to end and the firey rain. Damanndamnnnn damnnnn,'
01:46pm | Aug 04, '09

It wasn't like we were messed up all the time though. Shambhala was two days after this, and that was it for drugs on our trip. So I'm kind of wondering whether the proper thing to do right now would be to save this as a draft, delete the whole thing or post it. Ultimately, I know I'm going to post it because I couldn't and wouldn't deny my past. Acid was a large part of my spiritual journey, and I respect it as such. Before I get an influx of questions, I should say that I have done *no* drugs since before I was pregnant. I chose to breastfeed, and I'm not about to do drugs while breastfeeding/taking care of my son. Acid is not addictive. I've done it three times in total, and each time, I've delved into the essense of my being. Would I ever take it back? No. Yeesh, it feels so funny to be openly talking about drugs and how I don't regret doing them, when moms tear each other down for things like not breastfeeding, and disposable diapering. I guess it just comes down to personal choice, and not letting others choose the way you think. Oh, we're all so splendidly different!


  1. Wow, you make those things sound awesome. I tried acid once, but it didn't work because of the medication I was taking at the time.

    I won't ever really do drugs ever again.
    What fucked my brain up was Salvia, for sure.
    But even still, I've delved too deep within myself, and can't unsee/unthink the things brought on by drug use.

    To be honest, life no longer seems real to me most times. I'm lucky I came back out of what I was in, though. I'll be struggling with this my whole life.

    After a drunken night that caused me to be hungover (in excruciating pain) for 4 days afterwards, it's come back, and I've just decided to just quit drinking.

    Apparently I can't handle things of that sort. But I don't mind :) I'm happy being just me.

  2. I saw all that I wanted to see from it all, haha!
    Now, don't get me wrong, there were some beautiful times... but mostly bad.
    Live and learn, right? :)

  3. Sammy I love what you wrote wow you were sure on a adventure!! (HUGS)

  4. When I was 25 someone slipped me some in my pepsi.I fell off a cliff , ran from a huge dog (probably a hellhound ) and I stayed awake for 3 days.Glad you had an awesome trip.I didn't and that was my career on drugs.Never touched them again nor have I left my drink unattended.

  5. That's insane! I'm sorry ro hear that you had such a negative experiance. Hallucinogenics are very different from date rape drugs though... I have no idea what they gave you, and I'm really sad to hear that someone could do something like that to another human. Choosing to do drugs is one thing, to be dosed is another.

  6. Erika-
    Most defiantly. You came through it all and it shows in your resilience!

  7. (FYI, whatever they slipped her wasn't a date rape drug if she was up for 3 days)
    I've lost too many friends to drugs to think that they are good in any way, even hallucinogenics. Just because something isn't addictive, doesn't mean it's good. I'm proud of you for being clean for your baby. He thanks you, I'm sure :)

  8. Well I have no idea what she was on, that could have been mixed into a drink, and have her kept up for three days straight. I certainly can't think of any hallucinogens that would do this. I don't have much experiance with roofies or GHB, so I'm not sure what it was, but it was unfortunate either way.
    I think that Hallucinogens can be good if they are respected. They aren't for everyone, and they should definatly be used responsibly, but they can be used to heighten our sense of oneness and let go of ego. Here's a pretty good link if you're up for a read.

    Quoting Bill Hicks,
    “See I think drugs have done some good things for us, I really do, and if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor: go home tonight and take all your albums, all your tapes, and all your cds and burn 'em. 'cause you know the musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years.... real fucking high on drugs.”


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