Monday, July 25, 2011

Zombie zombie Zombie

I'm finally tugging myself out of my depression, and getting outside a bit more. I've been missing so much since my little slump. It's just so beautiful outside, and being out there more makes the apartment seem so stuffy and confining. I think I need to replenish and focus inwards. Fix some self esteem issues I didn't really realize I had. I think I have some sort of weird social anxiety issues. When hanging out with anyone- even friends, I just feel pretty out of place. Sort of incredibly awkward. 
I'm trying to pin the cause of it down, and I think it's really just that I've convinced myself that nobody wants to hear anything I have to say. I just sort of sabotage myself mid conversation, clam up, and then leave feeling like the biggest weirdo. Really offsets the rest of my day, and I never end up getting anything out of the interaction, and I never really say my point eloquently because I've convinced myself nobody wants to hear it. Ah! I've got tons of things I can change about myself though. Lots of time to do it too. I think I'll go on a little hiatus from the internet for a week or two after the festival. If I end up going. The friend who volunteered to give me a ride hit a deer today (he's fine!) and I'm pretty sure he has no windsheild so we'll see how things unfold.

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