While waiting in the rain for the bus downtown, Luca began crying. I grabbed him out of the stroller, and huddled with him beneath the roof of St.Vincent De Pauls. I think she must have heard his cries, but a homeless lady came up to us, and as she took his hand and calmed him, the emotion that radiated from her was incredible. I just knew she must have lost a child by the way she responded to him. He felt her scarred face with his tiny hinds, and she was trying to just take it in and hold onto the feeling of his little fingers. When he calmed down, she stood in front of the St. Vincent De Paul window, thrashing, and yelling at the janitor, "I'm causing a public disturbance, call the police" her partner came up to us, and said that this is why they'd never see their child again. I couldn't imagine losing a child, but I could see how that would drive a person to self destruction. I'm not going to judge why she lost her child, because it's irrelevant. I can't imagine how much she's hurting. when they had to say goodbye, she left him with her hat and requested that we tell him about her someday. It just makes me want to cry. It's not warm outside, and she's going to feel the cold without it, but she couldn't take it back from him.
I feel fortunate to have such a beautiful son who touches all who come in contact with him. Wherever we go, he engages people and brings a little bit of light into their lives. I could never actually affect as many people as he does, no matter how hard I try.
After making and giving out rings last night, I felt ready to do it again today. The response was different this time around though. The first lady I gave a ring to actually approached me, and asked to buy one, but the second said no, and the last person complained about the size being too small. I told her that it would be a great pinkie ring, and when she declined, I apologised that I couldn't afford a ring mandrel so the sizing is usually a little off. She actually said that if I can't afford a mandrel, I shouldn't have a child. That I may be "Too young, and have underestimated the cost and responsibility of having a child." I can afford a stupid mandrel, but I'd rather buy potting soil, or.. I don't know... food? I tried not to let her hurtful words get to me, but they did. I don't get how someone could take something someone made, and just say something so mean. I'm going to try not to let it get me down, but I just don't feel inspired to give away my rings anymore. Not to random people, anyways. I'll leave them at bus stops with notes attached, and give them to friends, but If I see her again, I'm going to let her know how her words made me feel. It's like my friend Jay said, I should feel sorry for people like her. They know nothing but negativity.